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  • Writer's pictureJessy Raspiller

{2020} Wild Diaries :: Day 4

“Before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which most people give up. It’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one 'dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.”

Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

This quote has been with me since I closed The Alchemist 4 years ago. I think about all the ways the Universe has come to test me over the years, but most specifically on these journeys. Yesterday was no short of a test to follow my curiosities. I shared in the podcast what it means to truly Align + Flow with the messages that you’re being shown. I mentioned in the recording that where my day took me would be another story, for another time.

As I unpack yesterdays musings, I unintentionally looked at myself through others eyes, and momentarily judged “what the heck were you doing”. And then I smile because I’m headed towards my own Oasis. I could very easily have been satisfied with the beauty and bounty that I’m surrounded by in my home every single day, but true growth and change never happens in our comfort zones.

Let me be clear with you. This journey is Lonely. At times I’ve felt outcast from people that I thought really knew me. Parts have been brutally painful. It has made me look at every piece of myself with a magnifying glass. You know those parts of you that you hide away, the old memories of shitty things you’ve done AND even deeper why you actually did them. It has taken things that I loved and was attached to. Along the journey I’ve woken up in a tent freezing cold from an unexpected snow storm, scorching hot + sunburned, nearly slipped off of mountains, blistered my feet to the point they were raw, I’ve been homesick, I’ve silently cried in so many tent dealing with my internal wounds while people around me were surrounded but those they love.

Why do I do this? Why would I ostracize myself from my World, to have the above experiences?

I do this because I wanted to remember what it was like to FEEL. To truly feel my emotions + my pain body.


In this Western world we put more energy into the suppression of our feelings than I can even wrap my mind around. The learned behaviors we unknowingly take comfort in, keep us protected from true emotional expression and personal expansion. Think about these phrases we’ve heard all throughout our lives.

  • “It sounds like you’ve got some deep congestion, let’s get you a perception to take care of that”

  • “It’s been a really rough day. I can’t wait for that glass of wine [smoke a joint, Netflix binge, pint of ice cream, scroll IG, go shopping, etc]”

  • “Don’t worry, it’ll all be ok”

I look at these statements and without a doubt know they will cause someone to stop reading. Because, I’m asking you to look at a greater depth of WHY we passively move through this life. It’s uncomfortable; uncomfortable to feel the depth of what this human experience has to share with us. We are so used to brushing our emotions, our pain bodies, our feelings under the rug. But there is so much to be learned from our emotions. Our emotions can take us to the root cause of the afflictions we experience in our human-ness.

These statements are carbon copies of my life actions for many years. I always wanted the “quick fix”. The ideology of just take care of it so I can move on. In order to not let my emotions make me stop. I was so busy being busy that I forgot to be me…

I forgot to be ME!

Let's not forget that this journey started because one day someone asked me, as I shared yesterday (read here) the perpetual question that has chased me for years. As I continue to explore this question, and all the questions that have followed, it’s made me VERY aware of this “ME”. When I look in the mirror these days that vision is much more clear. My mission, my desires, my purpose is all so much more clear.


If you’re new to the healing journey tapping into the root of any emotion, any reaction, any pain in our body can begin to tell a story. Sometimes as we follow that thread that is attached to these sensations it will wind us back to places long ago forgotten in our lives. But our bodies being these incredibly advanced machines, they never actually forget. Every life experience that has happened to us and in and around us is imprinted. Impressions have been made upon us that we may be utterly unaware that help us navigate every day.

We have the ability to re-write these stories. It doesn't mean they aren't apart of our journey, but they don't have to direct our course any longer. This is possible through a powerful thing called: AWARENESS. If we don’t like that we “fly off the handle” in anger in certain situations, we can begin to actually dissolve that. If we don’t want to feel like we’re always being “walked all over”, we can shift this too.

If you’ve read this far, I assume the next question is “how?”. There are so many tools, as you’ll hear me say time and time again, or protocols, in which we engage with our cellular body to begin to create new awareness. Sometimes getting down to the root of an emotion is simple and it’s very surface level. Other times it takes us looking deep, deep within ourselves and we may not always want to look at what we see.

One of the most basic tools I can share with you on this one dimensional page, is the invitation to look in a mirror. Take that as a metaphor in every day life, always holding up that mirror to see what’s really there. But in this case I’m going to invite you to actually gaze into a mirror.

Eye gazing is an incredibly powerful tool that can cut through the facade of what we learned to believe and can allow us to gaze into the TRUTH of who and what we are. Next time that you feel something, we often call this a trigger, go step in front of your mirror for 3-5 minutes and just look into the truth. Look yourself in the eyes and ask “where does this come from”

Eye Gazing to tap into your True Self:

  • Set a timer for 3-5minutes when you won’t be disturbed.

  • Step in front of the mirror and gaze intimately into your eyes (not your eyebrows, not your lashes, not the aged beautiful creases around your eyes), directly into your eyes.

  • You can stare in silence and just look into the core of who you are.

  • You can add an affirmation “Out with the old, In with the New” “I am stronger than I think I am” or “I’m softer than I allow myself” whatever makes sense for the situation you find yourself in.

  • Notice: what do you feel when you look at yourself? What emotion(s) come up?

They say in order to heal we must feel. I deem that true for mind, body + our connection to source.

This healing journey, while it can be incredibly uncomfortable, lonely, and painful at times... to further answer the first question I posed at the begining of this journal entry:

I started this Into the Wild journey with the underlying trust that I would meet my

True Self someday as I sit within my own Oasis.

For more information in uncovering your 'True Self' jump over to the "Truth Seekers" page. I'll be sharing an "At Home 5 Week Adventure" with you.


Today I’m heading off to my destination. This place that tugs at my soul and has drawn me in for the past 3 years. I’ll share more about it’s magic and wonder tomorrow, but here’s a little sneak peak from years past.

Life is a beautiful journey. I hope you Venture Well.

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